just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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