there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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