my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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