There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
