I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
