Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
