I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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