my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
