I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
