she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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