YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
