never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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