I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
