Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.