I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
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Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
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Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.