The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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