no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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