The best revenge is premature balding
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
