yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
