i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
