...so i touched it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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