Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
