all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
