I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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