So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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