i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm getting married
To pizza
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
