Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
