could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there was a trapeze. enough said
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
