I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
