take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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