all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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