a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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