We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I need a hoe opinion
go on
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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