How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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