This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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