She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
