I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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