watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
