What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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