Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
