I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
