don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
