Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
