i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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