toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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