Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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