They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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