How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
