billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
