i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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