I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
