I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
