Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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