Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
