stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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