i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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