...so i touched it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
