my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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