____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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