Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
