he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
