I cockslap morals
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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