You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
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You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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