It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
