PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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