I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
